SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.  You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.  The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.  The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.  The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.  The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.  You sell one and buy a bull.  Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.  You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.  The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.  You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.  Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.  You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.  The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.  The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.  You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.  No balance sheet provided with the release.  The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.  You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.  You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.  You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.  You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.  You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.  You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.   You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.  You have 300 people milking them.  You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.  You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.  You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.  Both are mad

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.  You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.  Business seems pretty good.  You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.  The one on the left looks very attractive

Male or Female?  You might not of known this, but a lot of none living objects are actually either male or female, here are some examples...

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.  They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.              

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying